The “F” Word!
It is a word… or better yet, it is used in an alliteration that has caused complete paralysis within me. It has stopped me from going after many things in my life. It has allowed me to become complacent and remain with little more than dreams.
FEAR OF FAILURE!
For as much self-confidence as I sometimes portray to those around me, I am actually a very unconfident, always-second-guessing, can’t-settle-for-less perfectionist. I am my own oxymoron! My fear of failing stops me in my tracts. It keeps those dreams within the bubble over my head… just out of my reach.
Since I turned 30 years old (just a few years back), I have tried to force myself to try the things I always wanted to do.
I did some acting. LOVED IT! But I realized that was not the life I needed to live for the time being.
I did some photography. Again, LOVED IT! But it seemed I was always in awe of other photographers’ photos… best if I stick as an amateur and just have fun with it!
I tried event planning and fundraising. Once again, LOVED IT! It was awesome; I felt like I was truly able to accomplish something. Still… that fear of failing almost sickened me each and every day.
More recently, I have pretended to be a writer by typing a few words here and there on a blank screen. Even though I do not have to worry about book sales or seeing people’s reactions face to face, I still worry about failing with each and every post. But lately, God has really been teaching me to write for my audience of ONE! He is all that matters. If I write for Him, He will draw just the right people at just the right time who need to read some encouraging words that I may have written!!
So now, as I have entered into 2014, I have begun a new adventure. It is scary… very, very scary! There is so much riding on this decision… so much of my future and my children’s futures. As I plan and take each step closer and closer, my heart grows heavier and the pressure weighs me down; sometimes I have a hard time just trying to breathe.
“Success is not final, failure is not fatal:
it is the courage to continue that counts.”
There is much risk, much opportunity for failure. But this time, I refuse to let my “Fear of Failure” stop me!! I feel that God has been preparing me for this my entire life… and the time is now!
Can I do this on my own? Can I really make it in this world? Do I really have what it takes to succeed? I am 41 years old… I DO NOT have time for failure!!
(*insert pause now while I stop and try to catch my breath… inhale……. exhale……. repeat!)
The answer is NO!
I am inadequate… I am a small fish in a “Big Sea” of competition and experience… and to be completely honest, I really have no idea what I am doing!
But… I HAVE FAITH!
I have complete faith and trust in God above, and I truly believe HE is opening this door for me! (Did you read another of my posts, My WORD for 2014? My new “F” word: FAITH?)
I have FAITH the size of a mustard seed that God will take this humble beginning and grow it into the vision and dream He has placed inside my heart!
“…Truly I tell you, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you.” (Matthew 17:20)
I have FAITH that I CAN do all things through Him who gives me strength!
“I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.”
(Philippians 4:13, NKJV)
I have FAITH that He will use this adventure and enable me to shine for His glory!
“Don’t shine so others can see you.
Shine so that, through you, others can see Him.” C.S.Lewis
I have FAITH that with God’s direction, leadership and ability, the impossible can become possible!
“For nothing is impossible with God.” (Luke 1:37 NLT)
I have FAITH that with complete trust, HE can do immeasurably more than ALL I could ask or imagine!
(Only my life verse!!)
“Now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to Him be glory…
(Ephesians 3:20-21a, NIV)
So here I go… one step and one breath at a time. This is definitely not going to be a sprint, but rather a walk of faith each and every day. Some days I may need a little push… other days I may need to be dragged! But I will keep moving forward!!
I still have that “Fear of Failure” that keeps trying to come against me, knotting my stomach each and every day… but I will not let it win! I will keep fighting through it and I will keep looking to God above!
At the end of the day, FAILURE is not the worst thing that can happen. At least failure is indicative of a trying start. I am trying to live my life as to not have any regrets! Better to have tried and failed than never to have tried at all; I do not want to leave the dream within the bubble over my head.
Do you have an “F” word… a “Fear”? Feel free to share it below! May 2014 be the year we bury our fears and look to God expectantly to help us rise above them! There is so much beauty when we soar like eagles through these journeys He has planned for each and every one of us instead of letting our fears keep us grounded! Let’s take flight and enjoy the ride!
May you find the beauty in today,
“He has made everything beautiful in its time” (Ecclesiastes 3:11)
~ Leave me a comment, I would love to read YOUR thoughts~♥
Recent entries from my gratitude journal (to read more about this, click here):
425. My daughter’s safe arrival home during the snowy evening!
434. Life… again, as it is precious!!
441. An unexpected business call.