On March 11, 2011… I almost died. It was a beautiful day as I welcomed Sweet Baby Isaac into our family. With this being child number four, I thought giving birth would be a piece of cake. I had even remarked that if I got to the hospital and there was no time for an epidural, I was going au natural. Thank you Lord for a longer labor that caused that precious anesthesiologist to enter into my birthing experience!
Shortly after a very difficult delivery, my vitals began to crash. As my room swarmed with doctors and nurses trying to save me, I knew something was very wrong. I heard the words, “don’t know what is causing it”… “she should not be alert with vitals this low”… “give her another shot of epinephrin.” I knew I was dying and they could not figure out why. It felt like a scene from an old ER episode as I began to draw into myself with a bustle of activity around me. Seriously? Was this really happening to me? I remember tears welling up in my eyes. What about my children? What about the innocent, newborn baby I had only held once in my arms? Everything was happening so quickly. I began praying, pleading, “Oh God, please help me.” Still nothing. The doctors were losing… my body was tingling… I was scared. I looked up towards heaven (aka the white hospital ceiling), closed my eyes, and as tears rolled down my cheeks I silently whispered to God these words of sweet surrender: “I do not believe you have brought me this far [into my journey] to take me away now… I trust You.” I can not explain it, but at that moment a peace came over me like never before. A warmth rushed through my body and my blood pressure and heart rate began to rise to a more stable level.
My scare was not over as the following morning I was rushed into exploratory surgery, given a blood transfusion, and received a painful abdominal incision that would require a much longer recovery time. It was a small price to pay to later be surrounded by my precious family and once again enjoy the tender moments with my newborn baby. I now realize more than ever that life is priceless… a true gift from God.
You see, there was a time in my past when I hated my life. Don’t get me wrong, I loved my family and friends, but I truly hated my so called “life.” Nothing was being given to me on a silver platter. People were letting me down… especially those closest to me. Things were not going according to plan. The fairy tale I had envisioned while growing up just was not playing into my reality. My prince charming was flawed, my castle… well, lets just say it was not picturesque, and my happily ever after was nowhere to be found. It hit me hard; it caused me to be selfish, depressed and ungrateful. Oh, the days I wished away… the months and years I spent “longing” for that “something better.” I forgot to enjoy the moment. Time quickly passed by me and the children grew. My life continued, but I forgot to live. There are many regrets….
My journey has taken me down this path where I now get up each morning thanking God for another day… and truly meaning it with a sincere heart. I have always loved the movie Hook. In it, Peter Pan (played by Robin Williams) is an older, tired, unhappy man who finds himself back in Neverland. After realizing he is the “real Peter Pan,” and almost losing his most precious treasures, his children, he returns to England with a new perspective on what is really important in his life. He realizes he no longer needs Neverland nor the adventures it offers… but that just to live, in itself, would be an awfully big adventure. Why does it always seem to take losing something we love for us realize what is really important?
Life… is beautiful!
May each day we stop and thank God for our very breath that He holds in His hands. May we thank Him for this gift of life that we have been given… for both the joy and the pain. May we live and love intentionally… with purpose. May we never let a moment pass by us. May we seize every opportunity to extend forgiveness and grace… to say the words “I love you” that so many long to hear. None of us are promised tomorrow. May we learn to enjoy the journey that is today.
It’s the Journey that’s Important… (by John McLeod)
Life, sometimes so wearying
Is worth its weight in gold
The experience of traveling
Lends a wisdom that is old
Beyond our ‘living memory’
A softly spoken prayer:
“It’s the journey that’s important,
Not the getting there!”
Ins and outs and ups and downs
Life’s road meanders aimlessly?
Or so it seems, but somehow
Leads us where we need to be,
And being simply human
We oft question and compare….
“Is the journey so important
Or the getting there?”
And thus it’s always been
That question pondered down the ages
By simple men with simple ways
To wise and ancient sages….
How sweet then, quietly knowing
Reaching destination fair:
“It’s the journey that’s important,
Not the getting there!”
Here are just a few of my many thanks to God during this wonderful Thanksgiving season:
Dalen, my first born pride… Savannah, my beautiful and only daughter… Cameron, who lights up my life… Isaac, my promised gift from God… my husband, who is many miles away… my family, who loves and supports me… my friends, especially those who are walking along this journey with me… forgiveness, from God and others… love, unconditional… joy and happiness, despite the circumstances… rainbows, God’s promises… second chances, even undeserved… healing, for Nothing is impossible… my home, so graciously given… God’s sovereignty, despite my lack of understanding… kitties, that are loyal… Puppy, a fluff ball of energy… laughter, that echoes through our walls… hugs from my children, even if the door is later slammed… baby skin, so soft and tender… the roller coaster ride, its ups and downs… opportunities, when seized… today, the priceless moment… Jesus, our Savior!
Thank you God… my cup runneth over!
Hoping you have a wonderful Thanksgiving with your family and friends! Many blessings to all!
May you find the beauty in today,
“He has made everything beautiful in its time” (Ecclesiastes 3:11)
~ Leave me a comment, I would love to read YOUR thoughts~♥