To Live Would be an Awfully Big Adventure

On March 11, 2011… I almost died. It was a beautiful day as I welcomed Sweet Baby Isaac into our family. With this being child number four, I thought giving birth would be a piece of cake. I had even remarked that if I got to the hospital and there was no time for an epidural, I was going au natural. Thank you Lord for a longer labor that caused that precious anesthesiologist to enter into my birthing experience!

Shortly after a very difficult delivery, my vitals began to crash. As my room swarmed with doctors and nurses trying to save me, I knew something was very wrong. I heard the words, “don’t know what is causing it”… “she should not be alert with vitals this low”… “give her another shot of epinephrin.” I knew I was dying and they could not figure out why. It felt like a scene from an old ER episode as I began to draw into myself with a bustle of activity around me. Seriously? Was this really happening to me? I remember tears welling up in my eyes. What about my children? What about the innocent, newborn baby I had only held once in my arms? Everything was happening so quickly. I began praying, pleading, “Oh God, please help me.” Still nothing. The doctors were losing… my body was tingling… I was scared. I looked up towards heaven (aka the white hospital ceiling), closed my eyes, and as tears rolled down my cheeks I silently whispered to God these words of sweet surrender: “I do not believe you have brought me this far [into my journey] to take me away now… I trust You.” I can not explain it, but at that moment a peace came over me like never before. A warmth rushed through my body and my blood pressure and heart rate began to rise to a more stable level.

My scare was not over as the following morning I was rushed into exploratory surgery, given a blood transfusion, and received a painful abdominal incision that would require a much longer recovery time.  It was a small price to pay to later be surrounded by my precious family and once again enjoy the tender moments with my newborn baby. I now realize more than ever that life is priceless… a true gift from God.

You see, there was a time in my past when I hated my life. Don’t get me wrong, I loved my family and friends, but I truly hated my so called “life.” Nothing was being given to me on a silver platter.  People were letting me down… especially those closest to me. Things were not going according to plan. The fairy tale I had envisioned while growing up just was not playing into my reality. My prince charming was flawed, my castle… well, lets just say it was not picturesque, and my happily ever after was nowhere to be found. It hit me hard; it caused me to be selfish, depressed and ungrateful. Oh, the days I wished away… the months and years I spent “longing” for that “something better.” I forgot to enjoy the moment. Time quickly passed by me and the children grew. My life continued, but I forgot to live. There are many regrets….

My journey has taken me down this path where I now get up each morning thanking God for another day… and truly meaning it with a sincere heart. I have always loved the movie Hook. In it, Peter Pan (played by Robin Williams) is an older, tired, unhappy man who finds himself back in Neverland. After realizing he is the “real Peter Pan,” and almost losing his most precious treasures, his children, he returns to England with a new perspective on what is really important in his life. He realizes he no longer needs Neverland nor the adventures it offers… but that just to live, in itself, would be an awfully big adventure. Why does it always seem to take losing something we love for us realize what is really important?

Life… is beautiful!

May each day we stop and thank God for our very breath that He holds in His hands. May we thank Him for this gift of life that we have been given… for both the joy and the pain. May we live and love intentionally… with purpose. May we never let a moment pass by us. May we seize every opportunity to extend forgiveness and grace… to say the words “I love you” that so many long to hear. None of us are promised tomorrow. May we learn to enjoy the journey that is today.

It’s the Journey that’s Important… (by John McLeod)

Life, sometimes so wearying
Is worth its weight in gold
The experience of traveling
Lends a wisdom that is old
Beyond our ‘living memory’
A softly spoken prayer:
“It’s the journey that’s important,
Not the getting there!”

Ins and outs and ups and downs
Life’s road meanders aimlessly?
Or so it seems, but somehow
Leads us where we need to be,
And being simply human
We oft question and compare….
“Is the journey so important
Or the getting there?”

And thus it’s always been
That question pondered down the ages
By simple men with simple ways
To wise and ancient sages….
How sweet then, quietly knowing
Reaching destination fair:
“It’s the journey that’s important,
Not the getting there!”

Here are just a few of my many thanks to God during this wonderful Thanksgiving season:

Dalen, my first born pride… Savannah, my beautiful and only daughter… Cameron, who lights up my life… Isaac, my promised gift from God… my husband, who is many miles away… my family, who loves and supports me… my friends, especially those who are walking along this journey with me… forgiveness, from God and others… love, unconditional… joy and happiness, despite the circumstances… rainbows, God’s promises… second chances, even undeserved… healing, for Nothing is impossible… my home, so graciously given… God’s sovereignty, despite my lack of understanding… kitties, that are loyal… Puppy, a fluff ball of energy… laughter, that echoes through our walls… hugs from my children, even if the door is later slammed…  baby skin, so soft and tender… the roller coaster ride, its ups and downs… opportunities, when seized… today, the priceless moment… Jesus, our Savior!

Thank you God… my cup runneth over!

Hoping you have a wonderful Thanksgiving with your family and friends! Many blessings to all!

May you find the beauty in today,

Tara ♥

“He has made everything beautiful in its time” (Ecclesiastes 3:11)

~ Leave me a comment, I would love to read YOUR thoughts~♥

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38 Responses to To Live Would be an Awfully Big Adventure

  1. Thank you for sharing your inspirational story. You are blessed with a beautiful family and wonderful memories to be had! 🙂

  2. Anonymous says:

    Tara what a beautiful story of God’s grace and mercy. May the Lord bless and keep you unto Him this hoilday season. Remembering He always keeps His promises…”Call upon me in the day of trouble; I will deliver you and you will honor me.” Psalms 50:15

    • Hi Deva (I got the message via facebook)… thanks for the comment! And you are so correct… He always keeps His promises! He is such a faithful God even when we are so undeserving!! Love the verse; so very true! 🙂

  3. camary1996 says:

    May the Lord bless you with continued good health and keep your family in His care.

  4. Anonymous says:

    You are truly amazing. Thank you for being the light and salt.

    ~Liz Hackler

    • Thanks so much, Liz! What a rough journey this has been but I am just so grateful that my words are being used to help encourage others. I pray people will see my life experiences and once again see how faithful, forgiving and loving our amazing God is! 🙂

  5. Sherry Wright says:

    Even as I prayed that day with you may God continue to raise up your family to be called,
    There is no one like our GOD. Only He knows the END from the BEGINNING!
    May our Lord Jesus shine continuously in your life reflecting HIS BEAUTYand HIS HOPE for a wonderful journey in this life.

    • Absolutely Sherry!! And your prayers have meant the world to me! It has been prayer warriors like your self that have helped give me the strength to persevere through the many, many obstacles… even when it looked impossible! Thank you so much for all your love and support! 🙂

  6. Sonya Lee says:

    Tara, This is a beautiful Thanksgiving tribute to God the author and finisher of our lives. Amen!

  7. Jeri Taira says:

    I’m so glad to have come over today. You filled me with so much gratitude for the beauty of life in my everyday. And our family! So thankful too. I receive the “healing, for nothing is impossible”.

    Thank you for your heart full of gratefulness. Happy Thanksgiving to you and yours as well.

    (via write it girl!)

    • Oh, thanks so much for the sweet comment! I was just reading some of your inspirational blog as well! I look forward to us connecting more in the future! And yes, hold onto that “Healing, for nothing is impossible!” God is awesome and is never limited by the physical or the circumstances!!! Just never give up!! 🙂

  8. Mike Fisk says:

    I echo the comments from above. Your post seemed to ‘ooze’ encouragement! Blessings on you and your writing. Jesus has certainly given you the gift of encouragment and life.

    • I so appreciate your encouraging comment, Mike! I feel that offering this blog as encouragement to others and being completely real and honest is the least I can to do to express how much God has saved me from myself and a life of self-destruction! I just want other to know that He does heal our brokenness… He does have a plan for our lives… and that no matter what horrific decisions we have made, He can make something beautiful out of us! 🙂

  9. 29lincolnavenue says:

    What an amazing testimony! Our God is so good! Thank you for sharing and inspiring my heart today to live my life – which is the real adventure!


  10. Jacqueline says:

    Beautiful words and a beautiful family! You are such an encouragement and have such a gift for writing and expressing your thoughts and feelings so clearly! Keep up the great work on the blog- God is using you to bless others with your words!

  11. hoped over from my place…so glad you found me so I could find you…I had a similar experience with my last pregnancy(13 yrs ago)…I love your honesty and your heart…sounds like you are in the fires of God’s Love and you find your shelter in Him…
    your family is just beautiful…and I pray for God’s strength and Grace to meet you each step of they way…

    • Thank you so much, Roseann! I do find my shelter and my strength in Him each and every day. I shudder to think where I would be today had I not chosen to look “Up” on my darkest day… God has been so faithful to me and my children. There has still been much pain and many difficulties, but I know He will never leave our side! I look forward to reading more of your inspiring blog! 😉

  12. ***that would be hopped:)

  13. Anonymous says:

    I just left you a note on Sarah Markleys page. I have begun reading your blog and it is helping me a lot. It is helping me understand the betrayed spouses feelings. I have so much remorse for what I’ve done.
    Your family is beautiful!!

    • exegete77 says:

      I also followed your posts on Sarah’s blog. Thanks for your writing, Tara. Your writing reflects what my last blog post:

      and here is another related post:

      And what beautiful wondrous children! May God richly bless you in your life and your blogging.


      • Oh… thank you so much! I greatly appreciate your comments. I look forward to reading your posts! Love all the connections and blogs I have found. I am very new to this “blog world” but God has already opened some amazing doors!! 🙂

    • Thank you! I am overwhelmed by how God has used this blog already. I am even more overwhelmed by the connections I have made with people and other blogs all across the country and even beyond its borders! God knows how to put the right person or encouraging message before us right when we need it! Just remember, godly sorrow and repentance is what will bring healing and a forever changed heart. I know that from personal experience, forgiving myself was harder than forgiving those around me who hurt me the most. There are still days when I struggle with it. It seems that you are on the right path… just keep looking to God each day to continue to heal you and the other broken relationships that may have resulted. Grace, Love and forgiveness are amazing… 🙂

      • Anonymous says:

        I need to read more of your blog. I am confused at to what you have to forgive yourself for. YOU were done wrong not the other way around.

        I forgot to leave you my blog!
        Comedy Tragedy

        • I understand the confusion; you are correct that I did not betray my husband. However, it was a very rocky marriage for us the last few years we were together. I became a very selfish person and did not know how to love him unconditionally. I was looking to him to “fill my soul” and take care of me, but when our life started spinning out of control and everything was falling apart, I viewed him as “failing”. My husband could not fill that longing in my soul… it was a longing that God created within us so that we would search for Him. However, since I was so angry at both God and my husband, I pushed both of them away. The months leading up to the betrayal, God very specifically told me three times to work on my marriage. I argued with Him. Yeah, I know it sounds ridiculous, little me arguing with the God of the universe who created my very soul, but I did. I told Him (God) that I would work on my marriage “later”… but first, I needed Him to take some things off my plate and help solve some of my problems. Well… God doesn’t work that way. He is not a God that does things our way and on our terms. So, I truly believe when I told Him “not right now” for the final time, that He backed away and allowed the consequences to happen. Now, I do not give my husband a pass for the choices he made. He still crossed that line that should have never been crossed. He had promised to love and protect me, forsaking all others, ’till death do us part. He should have been willing to take a bullet for me. That said, if I had respected and loved him the way a godly wife should love and respect her husband, I don’t think I would be in this place today. So, I still have to forgive myself… everyday. Thankfully, God is a forgiving God and He is a God of second chances… with both Him and our earthly relationships. Thanks for the link, I look forward to reading your blog!! 🙂

          • Tara,
            Thank you for clarifying. I am lucky that my husband has chosen to forgive me and takes responsibility for his part in the marriage falling to pieces. Like you said, this is not a pass for what I did. I wish I could go back and do it all over again. I would insist my husband listen to me about my unhappiness.
            You are so strong!! Your kids are lucky to have you as their mom!

          • ComedyTragedy, thank you. I have had many people say that I am one of the strongest people they know, but they are so very mistaken. I am one of the weakest people I know! If it wasn’t for God’s strength each and every day, if it wasn’t for Him literally carrying me through my darkest moments, if it wasn’t for the many, many people who have covered me and my family in prayers, I would have fallen to pieces a long time ago! Praying for your marriage… may it be completely healed by God, “immeasurably more than all you could ask or imagine!” 🙂

          • Tara,
            Thank you for your prayers. I feel so horribly weak everyday, too! I am trying to give it over to God!

  14. Tara, you won the Stephanie Shott Ecclesiastes Bible Study on my blog!!! Can you please email me your mailing address? My email is Congrats!

  15. Tony says:

    Hi Tara,

    Have just finished watching hook found it on tv by accident.I have watched it a good 20 times as it is a favourite and always seems to help me realise life is for enjoying and what is important.
    I never noticed the words Peter says at the end “Life would be an awful big adventure” and I was trying to remember it and not succeeding so I thought I would look it up and came across your site and read your story, which seems even more strange because I suffer with depression and have had really bad week.all through the week I have been revisiting religon after a long gap as I believe it will help.
    Anyway I thought I would share a poem I found

    One night a man had a dream.
    He dreamed he was walking along
    the beach with the Lord.

    Across the dark sky flashed scenes from his life.
    For each scene, he noticed
    two sets of footprints in the sand,
    one beloning to him and the other to the Lord.

    When the last scene of his life flashed before him,
    he looked back at the footprints in the sand.
    He noticed that many times along the path of his life
    there was only one set of footprints.
    He also noticed that it happened at the
    very lowest and saddest times in his life.
    This bothered him and he questioned the Lord about it.

    “Lord, you said that once I decided to follow you,
    you’d walk with me all the way.
    But I have noticed that during the most
    troublesome times in my life there is
    only one set of footprints.
    I don’t understand why when I needed you most
    you would leave me.”

    The Lord replied “My precious, precious child,
    I love you and would never leave you.
    During your times of trial and suffereing,
    when you see only one set of footprints in the sand,
    it was then that I carried you.”


    • Tony… so glad you found my blog and left this comment; it brought me to tears! There are no accidents! I love the footprints poem… have read it many times in my life but have never truly “felt” the words more true than during the last few years as God has literally carried me each and every step of the way!! I don’t know what you are going through in your life right now, but I do understand the depression as I have been there many times in the past; I refuse to go there again. Each day I look to God above for His strength, His joy and His perseverance… it truly has changed everything for me. We are only on this earth for but a short time… yet we have been created for a divine purpose. In John 10:10 (ESV), Jesus says, “The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly.”… We are not promised a perfect, easy, prosperous life… but God can give us an abundant life full of joy despite our circumstances. Hang in there and seek Him… He will not fail you!

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